Thirty. 30. Treinta.

Well, here it is. The big 3-0. The day I'm supposed to have dreaded since I turned 20. I was doing great until a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly I'm overrun with thoughts and emotions about this day.

I think the reason it suddenly started to affect me is because at this point I thought I'd know more about myself and things in general than I do. In the interest of full disclosure, when I was a teenager I thought I'd be married and probably have kids by this time, too. I hope you believe me when I say that THAT is not what I'm thinking about. It really isn't.

I look ahead to my life starting tomorrow and I don't feel any more sure of what's going to happen than I did when I was 20 and looking ahead to my life. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that it's ok. Because I have, in fact, figured a few things out.

Here we go.

1. There's no use in being afraid of things. Fear will cripple you and keep you from what you want. The only thing to be afraid of is fear and what it can do. Try not to be intimidated or hesitant. Instead, just be. Things will work out.

2. Not knowing isn't a bad thing. There are so few surprises left in the world. Allow yourself to be surprised.

3. Stand up straight and don't look at your feet when you walk. You will feel strong.

4. It's ok to say no. And yes. It's ok to put your own needs in front of someone else's, just like it's ok to put theirs in front of yours. It's ok to let people in, and it's ok to kick them the fuck out if they deserve it. Trust your instincts and you'll never go wrong.

5. Do not lie. It kills you a little bit each time.

6. If you have something to say that you know is going to be upsetting, say it with compassion and diplomacy. Put thought into every word you speak, and people won't just hear you. They'll listen.

7. Be the bigger person. Always.

8. Making your hopes and dreams and wishes and desires known, allowing your emotions to be seen, admitting you don't know something... these things don't make you weak.

I'm looking forward to the 30s. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- I think it's going to be a good decade for me. Maybe I'll figure some more stuff out. Maybe I won't. I'm not going to worry about it because life isn't about answers and plans and definitions. The only consistent thing about it is it's inconsistency. It's a work in progress, as are the people living it. Take care of yourself, have patience and try to see the big picture. Live with purpose. These are my goals, and I welcome the life that happens along the way to reaching them.