Movie review: "The Runaways"

So, I don't know anything about The Runaways other than the fact that Joan Jett was in the band. Well, I didn't know more than that before I heard about this movie. But then I heard about it and went on IMDB and read up on the gals and now I can tell you that someone named Cherie (pronounced like "Marie," which was her sister's name in real life) Currie was also in the band.

I know who Joan Jett is because, well, who doesn't? "I Love Rock and Roll" is a fun song. And her cover of "Crimson & Clover" is good, too. And closer to home, the San Antonio-based punk/pop trio Girl in a Coma is signed to Joan's record label. So yeah, I know more about her.

Which is why I was interested in seeing her story. But this movie can't make up its mind on whether it's Joan's story or Cherie's. It also can't make up its mind on whether it's a movie or a music video. Annoying.

Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning play Joan and Cherie, respectively. They are damn good little actresses (which sounds condescending, I know, but Dakota is only 16 years old. She's little). Unfortunately, I think a bunch of the audience will be tween girls who are "Twilight" fans who ask their mommies to take them to the R-rated movie that has two of the "Twilight" cast in the lead roles. Mommies, listen up: This is not "Twilight." The only thing that sparkles in this film are the sequins on Dakota's corset as she gyrates on stage. There's also a ton of drug use, a couple of lesbian love scenes, a masturbation scene and enough F-bombs to make a sailor blush.

Kristen and Dakota do a fine job transforming into these real-life women. I completely forgot who I was watching while I was watching them. Especially in Kristen's final scene doing a radio interview. I have never wanted a lesbian haircut and hot pink eyeshadow more in my life than I do in that scene. She looks awesome.

The movie gets a bunch of points for the costumes and makeup. Very cool.

The story, however: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Sorry, Joan and Cherie and Kristen and Dakota. It's not your fault. Your director couldn't make up her mind what this movie was supposed to be. And because she spent more time on artsy shots with strobe light effects, not enough time was spent on the people in the story. So when the bad stuff happens in the movie, it doesn't mean anything. And I'm pretty sure it meant something when it happened in real life.