A special place in hell

With Halloween looming and evil lurking around every corner, I've been inspired to put together a list of truly heinous beings who would roast in the afterlife if I had such power.

1. Those who do not return shopping carts to the shopping cart holder.

2. Slow drivers who are not in the right lane.

3. People who are unnecessarily mean to service workers (waiters, ushers, secretaries, customer service folks... you know, people whose job it is to try and make your life easier.)
3.a. The woman at work who directed the above attitude toward me when I first started at the company.

4. The crazy guy who tried to mug me at the bus stop.

5. Fans of Nickelback.

6. Whoever started the "win"/"fail" phrasing trend.

7. People who contribute the following to a conversation: "I don't know what to tell ya."

8. Rush Limbaugh.

9. Anybody who has a problem with me listing Rush Limbaugh.

10. Oklahomans, with a few exceptions.

11. On a serious note, anybody who hurts kids or animals.

12. Strangers who call you "sweetie" or " sweetheart" or "hon" or some other annoying term of endearment.

13. Guys who wear puka shells and popped collars.

We'll stop there. Thirteen seems like an appropriately superstitious number to have.

If we are friends and you fall into any of the above categories, we are no longer friends. (Not really, but we certainly need to have a serious conversation. Especially if you fall under numbers 3, 8-9, 11 or 13.)