The paper anniversary

Here's something that's hard to believe: Today is the one year anniversary of this blog.

I maintained a blog for a whole year. And it was a lot of fun. Yay for me, for this and for you for reading. Thanks a bunch.

Here's to another year, and getting to a second anniversary (which, I just Googled, is the cotton anniversary. Whoever thinks up this stuff is weird.)

(Paper. Papel picado, actually.)

Movie Review: "The Town"

Is it weird for me to say that I'm proud of Ben Affleck these days? I mean, I know he co-wrote "Good Will Hunting," and he did a great job in "Hollywoodland" and with "Gone Baby Gone," but for the gap between those sets of projects, he was mostly involved in crap. Poor guy.

"The Town" is based on a book called "Prince of Thieves" and was adapted by Affleck into a screenplay, which became the movie he starred in/directed.

He plays Doug, a bank robber, which is a common profession in the area of Charlestown, Mass. He's sick of it, though, and ready to get out. In one of his last jobs, his hot-tempered partner Jem takes a hostage, who they free without harming, but they discover that she lives in their neighborhood and has a good chance of figuring out who they really are. Doug doesn't want Jem to hurt her, so he takes it upon himself to "check it out" and make sure nothing is going to happen.

Guess what happens?

That's right, Doug falls for the hostage (Claire) and is further motivated to change his life. She's ready to pick up and go with him wherever he wants, but then Jem comes around and realizes that Doug is involved with the one person who can ruin everything for them.

Oh, and there's also Jon Hamm as an FBI agent who is breathing down their necks. (Side note: Every woman I know lusts for Jon Hamm. I don't get it.)

This is one of those stories where you root for the criminal to get away. People in the crowd literally cheered when Doug left a note on Jon Hamm's car: "Go fuck yourself."

Things don't go so well for the crew in the end. They are blackmailed into doing a super dangerous job. The jealous ex-girlfriend narks. Some people die (but not all. I'm not giving EVERYTHING away!) It's a bummer of an ending, but it's to be expected. I mean, they are federal criminals!

I really enjoyed it, and you will, too. Go watch it.

P.S. -- An exercise in the screenplay book is to pay attention to movies and see if you can spot the plot points at the end of the first and second acts. I totally saw them, right where they were supposed to be and at the time they were supposed to happen. I'm learning! :)

What happens when you turn off the TV

I've implemented a new rule for myself: No TV during the week except for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Hey, I have to watch "Glee" and "The Vampire Diaries." This is only Week 1, but it's been going well so far. I didn't turn on the TV at all on Monday or Wednesday. (Potential amendments to the rule: A good Monday Night Football game, an awards show or some other special broadcast I want to see.)

Did you know you get a lot of things done when you're not distracted by TV? Take Wednesday, for example...

List of things I did on Wednesday:

1. All my laundry.

2. Cleaned out/reorganized my dresser and closet.

3. Put away all my laundry (including the stuff that had been piling up on the floor for the past month.)

4. A blog entry.

5. Two exercises from "The Artist's Way," a creativity course I'm embarking on with my BFF Dianna (who follows this blog. She's up there in the corner. Everyone wave... Hi, Dianna!) :)

6. Studied a couple of chapters in the screenplay book I'm using to teach myself how to write screenplays.

7. The dishes.

8. Started gathering things together for a garage sale that's coming up.

9. Packed my lunch for today.

10. Cleaned out/organized the linen closet and drawers in my bathroom.

HELLO! That's a damn lot of stuff! And all because I didn't sit on the couch and channel surf until ultimately deciding on Nick at Nite or reruns of "The Office." I'm inspired by my own productivity. I plan to keep it up!

Book Review: "One Day"

"One Day," by David Nicholls, tells the story of Emma Moray and Dexter Mayhew's friendship over the span of 20 years. The clever little catch? We only see this progression on July 15 of each year, starting in 1989 when they've just graduated from university.

I saw a lot of myself in Emma. She has the most promising future out of the two, but struggles for a long time before finding her way. In contrast, Dexter's success comes fast and easy, but he struggles later on.

There are years when they are super close and years where they've lost touch completely. But even when they aren't speaking to each other, they are constantly thinking of each other. They've known each other too long and have been through too much together to fully dismiss one another.

Obviously there are only two ways this can end: 1) They end up together, or 2) They remain just friends. Trust me, at different points throughout the book, you're going to hope for each outcome.

Nicholls could have ended it either way and I would have been satisfied, to tell you the truth. They truly love each other, so ending up together would be one of those "it's about time" things. They truly love each other, so not ending up together would be one of those "love you like family for the rest of my life" things. Either is lovely. (The late-teens, early-20s Stefanie would have been devastated if they did not end up together. The current Stefanie finds the second option equally wonderful.)

Instead, Nicholls delivers the most unsatisfying ending ever. It's written cleverly, but what happens comes very close to ruining the whole rest of the book for me. I understand it (as best I can, anyway), but I don't like it at all.

They're filming the movie adaptation as we speak. They're either going to have to change the ending or stop touting it as a romantic comedy, or else the audience is going to be severely disappointed. But Nicholls is adapting the screenplay himself, so who knows?

A lovely bit of writing

I am reading "One Day" by David Nicholls, and there is a passage about one of the main character's hopes for her life that I think is great (full review to come soon):

"The trick of it, she told herself, is to be courageous and bold and make a difference. Not change the world, exactly, just the bit around you. Go out there with your double-first, your passion and your new Smith Corona electric typewriter and work hard at... something. Change lives through art maybe. Write beautifully. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved if at all possible. Eat sensibly. Stuff like that."

(Note: "double-first" is a UK thing. Here it's the equivalent of getting a double-major Bachelor's. Also, this moment is in 1989. Nowadays we use computers for writing. Although I've always loved typewriters.)

It's amazing what a little walk will do

Today was a good day at work. I got something accomplished that I really enjoyed doing, went to lunch with a friend I haven't seen in a while, and then took a quick mid-afternoon field trip to Starbucks for a snack.

There are two Starbucks within a quarter-mile radius of my office. One is in the mall and one is not. I choose to visit the one that is not in the mall, because it's bigger, prettier and far less crowded. Because it's still hotter than Hades here, I opted for my hot weather drink: Tall green tea frapp, no whip. (While I love pumpkin spice lattes -- tall, nonfat, no whip -- the most, it's just too hot. I look forward to the cooler weather when I can enjoy them comfortably.) And I got an oatmeal cookie.

Besides the yummy snack, I found the round trip nice. It was hot and I was sweaty and gross by the time I got back to my desk, but I think the change of scenery did me good. I was in a great mood. I even waved at tourists floating along on a river barge as I walked across the bridge above! I never do that! :)

Perhaps when the weather cools down more (I really can't come back dripping every day. It's just gross) I'll make the excursion a daily ritual. Not to Starbucks, necessarily, but maybe around a few blocks, just to see what I see. I think it's a good plan.

Why I hate people

Ok, I don't hate all people. In fact, I'd say I actually hate very few, compared to the amount of people there are. But it seems like those few always come into the store on Saturdays while I'm working. Examples (all true, by the way) of why I'm so glad that next weekend is my last weekend in the world of retail:

1. Customer: "Do you have ____?"
Me: "No, we're out of ____ right now."
Customer: Blank stare.

What?!?!?! You think if you look at me long enough I'll reach down into my jeans and pull _____ out of my ass??? "Ta-da! I was just kidding. It was right here in my ass all along. Gotcha!"

2. Customer: "How do I get to the Mexican restaurant?"
Me: "It's in the back parking lot." (While pointing to the back parking lot.)
Customer: "What does that mean?"

What do you mean, what does it mean? It means venture into the parking lot that is not in front of the building and you'll likely stumble upon an establishment that will serve you a fucking taco.

3. Customer: "I bet all the kids do this, huh?" (While watching their children ruin displays and get dangerously close to knocking over things that are expensive and breakable.)
Me: "No."

Actually, yes. Because for some reason parents these days are shockingly tolerant of bad behavior. If I had acted this way when I was a kid... oh man. Well, I would probably still be getting paddled at this very moment. I still told that lady no, though. Because keep your damn kids in line. Nobody thinks they are adorable except for you.

4. Customer: "So what else is around here?"

I always answer this question, because the store is in a place that even locals feel is a foreign land. But what if I didn't know? I don't work for the goddam Visitor's Bureau. Google works for everyone, people. As my dad would say -- "Look it up."

5. Quick co-worker gripe: I saved the new girl from making a huge mistake today. She got confused about the pricing on some items and was about to charge a woman $50 for $200 worth of stuff. I made the catch and the fix, but the new girl literally snatched the gift wrap out of my hands and gave the customer the finished product, so she got to be the hero. Screw you, new girl, for being stupid and still getting to play with the curling ribbons.

6. Quick self-gripe: I can't be fake. Ever. Which is probably why I suck so bad at career networking and dating and anything that involves, you know, superficial interaction. I think I said it best earlier today when I said that my "nice" comes out looking like everyone else's "normal." Doesn't work too well in the customer service game.

7. Customer: "I was talking to [insert owner's name] and she told me..."
Me: Staring and nodding; not listening at all.

8. Customer: "Can I see that piece of jewelry in the case? And that one? And that one? Ok, how about that one..."

Bitch, the least expensive thing in this case is still $200. You're not buying it. I don't have time to watch you play dress-up. Cut the crap.

9. Customer: "I need a ____ in this specific size."
Me: "It looks like we're out of that size, but we just put in an order for more that should be here in a couple of days. When do you need it?"
Customer: "Tonight."
Me: "Oh, well, I guess that's not going to work."
Customer: Blank stare.

Sir, this is not Hogwarts. I do not have a magic wand to conjure this shit out of thin air just for you. If I did, however, have a magic wand and if this was in fact Hogwarts, I would "Imperio" your ass right out the door. Then I would go to the Room of Requirement, which would have a pitcher of margaritas and a masseur ready and waiting.

10. Customer: "Oh, I think they're closing. What time do you close?"
Me: "Seven." (It's 7:05.)
Customer: "Oh, let's hurry. I bet she wants to leave."
Me: Least genuine smile ever.

Translation: Get. The. Fuck. Out.

What's that movie? The one where someone makes the argument that the customer is always right and the guy responds with, "Let me tell you something. The customer is always an ASSHOLE!" I think it's "Mallrats." Actually, I'm now 100% positive it's "Mallrats." I always thought Ben Affleck was a dick in that movie, especially when he shouts that line. Now I have new respect for what the man has gone through to get to that mental state. I've only done this one day a week for the past three months. So, what, 12 times total? I have such appreciation for the people who do this full-time.

I am placing my right hand over my heart (not really because I have to type, but for the sake of the gesture let's go with it) and solemnly swearing at this moment to do everything in my power to never become one of those asshole customers. This is similar to the vow I made after working at the movie theater to never be one of those asshole customers.

I am happy to report that when I go to the movies I take out my own trash and never make unfunny comments about the prices of things. I also come prepared, knowing exactly what's playing and at what time. And I never, EVER, complain about not liking the movie I selected in a lame attempt to get free passes. I'm good at keeping vows.

And I will keep this one, too.