What we've learned from horror movies

We played this game at work where we listed all the ways to not get dead, based solely on the education that horror movies offer. I now bring the game to you.

1. Don't be a minority.
2. Don't be a virgin.
3. Stay away from the docks.
4. The super creepy grounds keeper? He's on your side. And yet, you'll probably get him killed.
5. The sexy guy in a suit? He will kill you.
6. Always wear matching bras and panties, because you will most likely be wearing only those two garments when you're running through the woods.
7. For God's sake, if you have to run through the woods, at least kick off the stilettos first.
8. You know what? Just have sneakers on at all times. Even if you're only wearing a bra and panties.
9. Don't take a drive in rural Texas. There is nothing to see.
10. Don't ask to borrow someone's phone.
11. Don't be the quarterback.
12. Be single. If you're in a relationship, one or the other of you isn't going to make it.
13. Never say "I'll be right back." That's how you end up decapitated by a garage door.
14. Seances are not a good idea. Ever.
15. Superglue your car keys to your hand. None of this fumbling-in-the-dark-and-inevitably-dropping business.
16. Oh, but if you've left your car unattended... it will not start.
17. Don't seek shelter in the barn. Or slaughter house. Or shrimp boat.
18. Screaming makes no difference. Save your energy.
19. Always wear waterproof mascara.

and above all else

20. Whatever you do, do not... REPEAT, DO NOT... open the portals of Hell.

We'll always have Paris.