Friday, June 25, 2010
RIP MJ
"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change." - Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson
Saturday, June 19, 2010
25 more things
Does this get us to 100? I don't remember. And it doesn't matter, anyway. I like making lists.
Oh, and before we start: I got the part-time job! Today was my first day and I had no idea what I was doing but I had a good time doing it. Except my feet kind of hurt from standing up the whole time. Overall, a good day, though.
Ok. Here we go:
1. People who treat their pets like their kids annoy the shit out of me.
2. If I'm in a bad mood, buying school supplies will instantly improve it.
3. The two new spiral notebooks I bought two days ago are dedicated to the screenplay writing.
4. I've bought and eaten a watermelon every week for the past month. By myself.
5. I don't mean this the way it's going to sound, but every once in a while it would be nice to be the center of attention.
6. Screw the Lakers.
7. But don't screw L.A., because that's where they make the movies.
8. Screw the Mavericks, while we're at it.
9. I get a 20% discount at my new job. That is dangerous business.
10. (Because everything I want to buy is really expensive. Damn budget.)
11. The first thing I notice about the opposite sex? Height.
12. The second? Teeth.
13. Sometimes, you just want to eat a hot dog.
14. According to my 4-yr-old nephew, "macaroni and cheese and hot dogs is a delicious meal." (He is clearly wise beyond his years.)
15. I am so ready to go to the beach it isn't even funny.
16. Most of the time I do my workout DVDs barefoot. That's probably bad.
17. I've slept with the closet light on ever since I woke up with a roach crawling on my arm two weeks ago.
18. Josh Duhamel is way too hot to be married to that girl from the Black Eyed Peas.
19. It makes me very sad that they've wrapped filming on the last Harry Potter movies.
20. On that same note, I really want to go to the new Potter theme park.
21. I haven't done karakoe in a while. That might have to happen soon.
22. I am awesome at the Kevin Bacon game.
23. I have the best greeting card ever, ready and waiting to be sent to the next person I know who needs to be cheered up.
24. Twenty-minute workouts don't sound like they'd be bad... unless Jillian Michaels is the one working you out. Bitch.
25. And now, I'm off to "shred" with Jillian...
Oh, and before we start: I got the part-time job! Today was my first day and I had no idea what I was doing but I had a good time doing it. Except my feet kind of hurt from standing up the whole time. Overall, a good day, though.
Ok. Here we go:
1. People who treat their pets like their kids annoy the shit out of me.
2. If I'm in a bad mood, buying school supplies will instantly improve it.
3. The two new spiral notebooks I bought two days ago are dedicated to the screenplay writing.
4. I've bought and eaten a watermelon every week for the past month. By myself.
5. I don't mean this the way it's going to sound, but every once in a while it would be nice to be the center of attention.
6. Screw the Lakers.
7. But don't screw L.A., because that's where they make the movies.
8. Screw the Mavericks, while we're at it.
9. I get a 20% discount at my new job. That is dangerous business.
10. (Because everything I want to buy is really expensive. Damn budget.)
11. The first thing I notice about the opposite sex? Height.
12. The second? Teeth.
13. Sometimes, you just want to eat a hot dog.
14. According to my 4-yr-old nephew, "macaroni and cheese and hot dogs is a delicious meal." (He is clearly wise beyond his years.)
15. I am so ready to go to the beach it isn't even funny.
16. Most of the time I do my workout DVDs barefoot. That's probably bad.
17. I've slept with the closet light on ever since I woke up with a roach crawling on my arm two weeks ago.
18. Josh Duhamel is way too hot to be married to that girl from the Black Eyed Peas.
19. It makes me very sad that they've wrapped filming on the last Harry Potter movies.
20. On that same note, I really want to go to the new Potter theme park.
21. I haven't done karakoe in a while. That might have to happen soon.
22. I am awesome at the Kevin Bacon game.
23. I have the best greeting card ever, ready and waiting to be sent to the next person I know who needs to be cheered up.
24. Twenty-minute workouts don't sound like they'd be bad... unless Jillian Michaels is the one working you out. Bitch.
25. And now, I'm off to "shred" with Jillian...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
What we've learned from horror movies
We played this game at work where we listed all the ways to not get dead, based solely on the education that horror movies offer. I now bring the game to you.
1. Don't be a minority.
2. Don't be a virgin.
3. Stay away from the docks.
4. The super creepy grounds keeper? He's on your side. And yet, you'll probably get him killed.
5. The sexy guy in a suit? He will kill you.
6. Always wear matching bras and panties, because you will most likely be wearing only those two garments when you're running through the woods.
7. For God's sake, if you have to run through the woods, at least kick off the stilettos first.
8. You know what? Just have sneakers on at all times. Even if you're only wearing a bra and panties.
9. Don't take a drive in rural Texas. There is nothing to see.
10. Don't ask to borrow someone's phone.
11. Don't be the quarterback.
12. Be single. If you're in a relationship, one or the other of you isn't going to make it.
13. Never say "I'll be right back." That's how you end up decapitated by a garage door.
14. Seances are not a good idea. Ever.
15. Superglue your car keys to your hand. None of this fumbling-in-the-dark-and-inevitably-dropping business.
16. Oh, but if you've left your car unattended... it will not start.
17. Don't seek shelter in the barn. Or slaughter house. Or shrimp boat.
18. Screaming makes no difference. Save your energy.
19. Always wear waterproof mascara.
and above all else
20. Whatever you do, do not... REPEAT, DO NOT... open the portals of Hell.
1. Don't be a minority.
2. Don't be a virgin.
3. Stay away from the docks.
4. The super creepy grounds keeper? He's on your side. And yet, you'll probably get him killed.
5. The sexy guy in a suit? He will kill you.
6. Always wear matching bras and panties, because you will most likely be wearing only those two garments when you're running through the woods.
7. For God's sake, if you have to run through the woods, at least kick off the stilettos first.
8. You know what? Just have sneakers on at all times. Even if you're only wearing a bra and panties.
9. Don't take a drive in rural Texas. There is nothing to see.
10. Don't ask to borrow someone's phone.
11. Don't be the quarterback.
12. Be single. If you're in a relationship, one or the other of you isn't going to make it.
13. Never say "I'll be right back." That's how you end up decapitated by a garage door.
14. Seances are not a good idea. Ever.
15. Superglue your car keys to your hand. None of this fumbling-in-the-dark-and-inevitably-dropping business.
16. Oh, but if you've left your car unattended... it will not start.
17. Don't seek shelter in the barn. Or slaughter house. Or shrimp boat.
18. Screaming makes no difference. Save your energy.
19. Always wear waterproof mascara.
and above all else
20. Whatever you do, do not... REPEAT, DO NOT... open the portals of Hell.
We'll always have Paris.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Worst way to wake up ever
Have I mentioned how much I hate bugs? LOATHE them, actually. And the worst bug that ever lived? The cockroach.
Ugh. Just typing that made me shudder.
And now I will give all of you (the 10 of you who read this) the heeby-jeebies with the story of how I woke up Sunday morning.
At about 4:30 a.m., I felt something on my arm. Something kind of poking my arm. I wiggled my arm, and the pokey thing moved. Still half asleep, I slapped at my arm with my other hand and flung the sheets off me and jumped out of bed. I turned the lamp on, squinted around, and saw nothing. I pulled my sheets back and shook them, but nothing was there.
I started to wonder if I'd dreamt the thing I felt, but I was sure I had not. I took the opportunity to go the bathroom, and when I walked back into my bedroom, something flew past me and landed behind the trash can next to my dresser.
"Alright, motherfucker."
With that announcement, I went into the other room and got my roach spray. As I was walking back into the bedroom, the little bastard ran out from behind the trash can towards me. I sprayed, and it kept running. I spray-chased it into the bathroom, where it finally hit the wall and flipped over.
A brown one. About two inches long. Disgusting.
It writhed for a while and then got still. They do that to psyche you out and make you think they are dead when they are not. No, I have a roach-killing process:
1. Spray it again. Just for good measure.
2. Get a section of newspaper. (Glad to know it's still good for something.)
3. Throw the newspaper on top of the roach.
4. Put on a sneaker.
5. Stomp the shit out of the roach. You must hear a crunch for initial squishing confirmation. You must lift the paper and see guts poking out of its ass (those are actually its brains. I've done research) for second and final squishing confirmation.
6. Use the newspaper to scoop up the squished little bastard and then flush it.
Oh yes, it's dead and gone. But now, of course, I am on high alert. I couldn't go back to sleep after that because I just knew there were more lurking around. I didn't even get back in bed. I propped myself on the coach with the spray and sneaker where I could reach them and managed to doze off eventually.
And I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight, too. I mean, I guess it's a good thing that I'm aware enough in my sleep to know when something is crawling on me... but no. I don't want to wake up like that again. I felt violated.
The apartment office is getting a call first thing Monday morning to have someone come out and spray. Warning to all bugs, but most especially roaches: You come into this house, you are dead.
Ugh. Just typing that made me shudder.
And now I will give all of you (the 10 of you who read this) the heeby-jeebies with the story of how I woke up Sunday morning.
At about 4:30 a.m., I felt something on my arm. Something kind of poking my arm. I wiggled my arm, and the pokey thing moved. Still half asleep, I slapped at my arm with my other hand and flung the sheets off me and jumped out of bed. I turned the lamp on, squinted around, and saw nothing. I pulled my sheets back and shook them, but nothing was there.
I started to wonder if I'd dreamt the thing I felt, but I was sure I had not. I took the opportunity to go the bathroom, and when I walked back into my bedroom, something flew past me and landed behind the trash can next to my dresser.
"Alright, motherfucker."
With that announcement, I went into the other room and got my roach spray. As I was walking back into the bedroom, the little bastard ran out from behind the trash can towards me. I sprayed, and it kept running. I spray-chased it into the bathroom, where it finally hit the wall and flipped over.
A brown one. About two inches long. Disgusting.
It writhed for a while and then got still. They do that to psyche you out and make you think they are dead when they are not. No, I have a roach-killing process:
1. Spray it again. Just for good measure.
2. Get a section of newspaper. (Glad to know it's still good for something.)
3. Throw the newspaper on top of the roach.
4. Put on a sneaker.
5. Stomp the shit out of the roach. You must hear a crunch for initial squishing confirmation. You must lift the paper and see guts poking out of its ass (those are actually its brains. I've done research) for second and final squishing confirmation.
6. Use the newspaper to scoop up the squished little bastard and then flush it.
Oh yes, it's dead and gone. But now, of course, I am on high alert. I couldn't go back to sleep after that because I just knew there were more lurking around. I didn't even get back in bed. I propped myself on the coach with the spray and sneaker where I could reach them and managed to doze off eventually.
And I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight, too. I mean, I guess it's a good thing that I'm aware enough in my sleep to know when something is crawling on me... but no. I don't want to wake up like that again. I felt violated.
The apartment office is getting a call first thing Monday morning to have someone come out and spray. Warning to all bugs, but most especially roaches: You come into this house, you are dead.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)