I am reading "One Day" by David Nicholls, and there is a passage about one of the main character's hopes for her life that I think is great (full review to come soon):
"The trick of it, she told herself, is to be courageous and bold and make a difference. Not change the world, exactly, just the bit around you. Go out there with your double-first, your passion and your new Smith Corona electric typewriter and work hard at... something. Change lives through art maybe. Write beautifully. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved if at all possible. Eat sensibly. Stuff like that."
(Note: "double-first" is a UK thing. Here it's the equivalent of getting a double-major Bachelor's. Also, this moment is in 1989. Nowadays we use computers for writing. Although I've always loved typewriters.)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
It's amazing what a little walk will do
Today was a good day at work. I got something accomplished that I really enjoyed doing, went to lunch with a friend I haven't seen in a while, and then took a quick mid-afternoon field trip to Starbucks for a snack.
There are two Starbucks within a quarter-mile radius of my office. One is in the mall and one is not. I choose to visit the one that is not in the mall, because it's bigger, prettier and far less crowded. Because it's still hotter than Hades here, I opted for my hot weather drink: Tall green tea frapp, no whip. (While I love pumpkin spice lattes -- tall, nonfat, no whip -- the most, it's just too hot. I look forward to the cooler weather when I can enjoy them comfortably.) And I got an oatmeal cookie.
Besides the yummy snack, I found the round trip nice. It was hot and I was sweaty and gross by the time I got back to my desk, but I think the change of scenery did me good. I was in a great mood. I even waved at tourists floating along on a river barge as I walked across the bridge above! I never do that! :)
Perhaps when the weather cools down more (I really can't come back dripping every day. It's just gross) I'll make the excursion a daily ritual. Not to Starbucks, necessarily, but maybe around a few blocks, just to see what I see. I think it's a good plan.
There are two Starbucks within a quarter-mile radius of my office. One is in the mall and one is not. I choose to visit the one that is not in the mall, because it's bigger, prettier and far less crowded. Because it's still hotter than Hades here, I opted for my hot weather drink: Tall green tea frapp, no whip. (While I love pumpkin spice lattes -- tall, nonfat, no whip -- the most, it's just too hot. I look forward to the cooler weather when I can enjoy them comfortably.) And I got an oatmeal cookie.
Besides the yummy snack, I found the round trip nice. It was hot and I was sweaty and gross by the time I got back to my desk, but I think the change of scenery did me good. I was in a great mood. I even waved at tourists floating along on a river barge as I walked across the bridge above! I never do that! :)
Perhaps when the weather cools down more (I really can't come back dripping every day. It's just gross) I'll make the excursion a daily ritual. Not to Starbucks, necessarily, but maybe around a few blocks, just to see what I see. I think it's a good plan.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Why I hate people
Ok, I don't hate all people. In fact, I'd say I actually hate very few, compared to the amount of people there are. But it seems like those few always come into the store on Saturdays while I'm working. Examples (all true, by the way) of why I'm so glad that next weekend is my last weekend in the world of retail:
1. Customer: "Do you have ____?"
Me: "No, we're out of ____ right now."
Customer: Blank stare.
What?!?!?! You think if you look at me long enough I'll reach down into my jeans and pull _____ out of my ass??? "Ta-da! I was just kidding. It was right here in my ass all along. Gotcha!"
2. Customer: "How do I get to the Mexican restaurant?"
Me: "It's in the back parking lot." (While pointing to the back parking lot.)
Customer: "What does that mean?"
What do you mean, what does it mean? It means venture into the parking lot that is not in front of the building and you'll likely stumble upon an establishment that will serve you a fucking taco.
3. Customer: "I bet all the kids do this, huh?" (While watching their children ruin displays and get dangerously close to knocking over things that are expensive and breakable.)
Me: "No."
Actually, yes. Because for some reason parents these days are shockingly tolerant of bad behavior. If I had acted this way when I was a kid... oh man. Well, I would probably still be getting paddled at this very moment. I still told that lady no, though. Because keep your damn kids in line. Nobody thinks they are adorable except for you.
4. Customer: "So what else is around here?"
I always answer this question, because the store is in a place that even locals feel is a foreign land. But what if I didn't know? I don't work for the goddam Visitor's Bureau. Google works for everyone, people. As my dad would say -- "Look it up."
5. Quick co-worker gripe: I saved the new girl from making a huge mistake today. She got confused about the pricing on some items and was about to charge a woman $50 for $200 worth of stuff. I made the catch and the fix, but the new girl literally snatched the gift wrap out of my hands and gave the customer the finished product, so she got to be the hero. Screw you, new girl, for being stupid and still getting to play with the curling ribbons.
6. Quick self-gripe: I can't be fake. Ever. Which is probably why I suck so bad at career networking and dating and anything that involves, you know, superficial interaction. I think I said it best earlier today when I said that my "nice" comes out looking like everyone else's "normal." Doesn't work too well in the customer service game.
7. Customer: "I was talking to [insert owner's name] and she told me..."
Me: Staring and nodding; not listening at all.
8. Customer: "Can I see that piece of jewelry in the case? And that one? And that one? Ok, how about that one..."
Bitch, the least expensive thing in this case is still $200. You're not buying it. I don't have time to watch you play dress-up. Cut the crap.
9. Customer: "I need a ____ in this specific size."
Me: "It looks like we're out of that size, but we just put in an order for more that should be here in a couple of days. When do you need it?"
Customer: "Tonight."
Me: "Oh, well, I guess that's not going to work."
Customer: Blank stare.
Sir, this is not Hogwarts. I do not have a magic wand to conjure this shit out of thin air just for you. If I did, however, have a magic wand and if this was in fact Hogwarts, I would "Imperio" your ass right out the door. Then I would go to the Room of Requirement, which would have a pitcher of margaritas and a masseur ready and waiting.
10. Customer: "Oh, I think they're closing. What time do you close?"
Me: "Seven." (It's 7:05.)
Customer: "Oh, let's hurry. I bet she wants to leave."
Me: Least genuine smile ever.
Translation: Get. The. Fuck. Out.
What's that movie? The one where someone makes the argument that the customer is always right and the guy responds with, "Let me tell you something. The customer is always an ASSHOLE!" I think it's "Mallrats." Actually, I'm now 100% positive it's "Mallrats." I always thought Ben Affleck was a dick in that movie, especially when he shouts that line. Now I have new respect for what the man has gone through to get to that mental state. I've only done this one day a week for the past three months. So, what, 12 times total? I have such appreciation for the people who do this full-time.
I am placing my right hand over my heart (not really because I have to type, but for the sake of the gesture let's go with it) and solemnly swearing at this moment to do everything in my power to never become one of those asshole customers. This is similar to the vow I made after working at the movie theater to never be one of those asshole customers.
I am happy to report that when I go to the movies I take out my own trash and never make unfunny comments about the prices of things. I also come prepared, knowing exactly what's playing and at what time. And I never, EVER, complain about not liking the movie I selected in a lame attempt to get free passes. I'm good at keeping vows.
And I will keep this one, too.
1. Customer: "Do you have ____?"
Me: "No, we're out of ____ right now."
Customer: Blank stare.
What?!?!?! You think if you look at me long enough I'll reach down into my jeans and pull _____ out of my ass??? "Ta-da! I was just kidding. It was right here in my ass all along. Gotcha!"
2. Customer: "How do I get to the Mexican restaurant?"
Me: "It's in the back parking lot." (While pointing to the back parking lot.)
Customer: "What does that mean?"
What do you mean, what does it mean? It means venture into the parking lot that is not in front of the building and you'll likely stumble upon an establishment that will serve you a fucking taco.
3. Customer: "I bet all the kids do this, huh?" (While watching their children ruin displays and get dangerously close to knocking over things that are expensive and breakable.)
Me: "No."
Actually, yes. Because for some reason parents these days are shockingly tolerant of bad behavior. If I had acted this way when I was a kid... oh man. Well, I would probably still be getting paddled at this very moment. I still told that lady no, though. Because keep your damn kids in line. Nobody thinks they are adorable except for you.
4. Customer: "So what else is around here?"
I always answer this question, because the store is in a place that even locals feel is a foreign land. But what if I didn't know? I don't work for the goddam Visitor's Bureau. Google works for everyone, people. As my dad would say -- "Look it up."
5. Quick co-worker gripe: I saved the new girl from making a huge mistake today. She got confused about the pricing on some items and was about to charge a woman $50 for $200 worth of stuff. I made the catch and the fix, but the new girl literally snatched the gift wrap out of my hands and gave the customer the finished product, so she got to be the hero. Screw you, new girl, for being stupid and still getting to play with the curling ribbons.
6. Quick self-gripe: I can't be fake. Ever. Which is probably why I suck so bad at career networking and dating and anything that involves, you know, superficial interaction. I think I said it best earlier today when I said that my "nice" comes out looking like everyone else's "normal." Doesn't work too well in the customer service game.
7. Customer: "I was talking to [insert owner's name] and she told me..."
Me: Staring and nodding; not listening at all.
8. Customer: "Can I see that piece of jewelry in the case? And that one? And that one? Ok, how about that one..."
Bitch, the least expensive thing in this case is still $200. You're not buying it. I don't have time to watch you play dress-up. Cut the crap.
9. Customer: "I need a ____ in this specific size."
Me: "It looks like we're out of that size, but we just put in an order for more that should be here in a couple of days. When do you need it?"
Customer: "Tonight."
Me: "Oh, well, I guess that's not going to work."
Customer: Blank stare.
Sir, this is not Hogwarts. I do not have a magic wand to conjure this shit out of thin air just for you. If I did, however, have a magic wand and if this was in fact Hogwarts, I would "Imperio" your ass right out the door. Then I would go to the Room of Requirement, which would have a pitcher of margaritas and a masseur ready and waiting.
10. Customer: "Oh, I think they're closing. What time do you close?"
Me: "Seven." (It's 7:05.)
Customer: "Oh, let's hurry. I bet she wants to leave."
Me: Least genuine smile ever.
Translation: Get. The. Fuck. Out.
What's that movie? The one where someone makes the argument that the customer is always right and the guy responds with, "Let me tell you something. The customer is always an ASSHOLE!" I think it's "Mallrats." Actually, I'm now 100% positive it's "Mallrats." I always thought Ben Affleck was a dick in that movie, especially when he shouts that line. Now I have new respect for what the man has gone through to get to that mental state. I've only done this one day a week for the past three months. So, what, 12 times total? I have such appreciation for the people who do this full-time.
I am placing my right hand over my heart (not really because I have to type, but for the sake of the gesture let's go with it) and solemnly swearing at this moment to do everything in my power to never become one of those asshole customers. This is similar to the vow I made after working at the movie theater to never be one of those asshole customers.
I am happy to report that when I go to the movies I take out my own trash and never make unfunny comments about the prices of things. I also come prepared, knowing exactly what's playing and at what time. And I never, EVER, complain about not liking the movie I selected in a lame attempt to get free passes. I'm good at keeping vows.
And I will keep this one, too.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Ear Worm(s)
My favorite Beatles song.
My favorite Beatles song as done by Jake Shimabukuro.
My second favorite Beatles song.
My third favorite Beatles song.
We'll leave it at that.
My favorite Beatles song as done by Jake Shimabukuro.
My second favorite Beatles song.
My third favorite Beatles song.
We'll leave it at that.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Book review: "A Reliable Wife"
My book club selected "A Reliable Wife" by Robert Goolrick as our August read based on this review from the Washington Post:"Don't be fooled by the prissy cover or that ironic title. Robert Goolrick's first novel, 'A Reliable Wife,' isn't just hot, it's in heat: a gothic tale of such smoldering desire it should be read in a cold shower. This is a bodice ripper of a hundred thousand pearly buttons, ripped off one at a time with agonizing restraint."
Well, hot damn, let's read it!
I am sorry to report that not once did I need a cold shower. Yes, there was lots and lots of sex in this book, but not once did a blush creep onto my cheeks. (This makes it sound like I have a really amazing sex life that would make book sex pale in comparison. No.)
Catherine Land is a mail order bride on her way to East Jesus Nowhere, Wisconsin to be delivered to her new husband Ralph Truitt. Ralph is totally loaded. He owns the whole town and sends for Catherine with his own private rail car. She has answered his ad for a "simple woman" and en route from Chicago to Wisconsin changes out of her furs and jewels into some plain Jane gray schoolmarm dress, because she knows it's what he expects. Clearly, Catherine is a liar.
So, along the way, we learn the lie. And so does Ralph. And suddenly everyone knows the truth, but they are all still acting out the lie. Everything up until this point was exciting, then it suddenly got tedious. But, this is a whole different world -- apparently people go insane during Wisconsin winters, so I guess in the universe Goolrick invented, it could happen.
Anyway, my favorite parts of this book were the opening and closing scenes. The opening scene I explained already, with Catherine on the train. The closing scene has Ralph and Catherine coming to a new level in their relationship. It doesn't give a complete resolution; rather, it leaves the story open-ended without a definitive answer as to what will happen to the characters next. I love when books do that.
I didn't dislike the middle stuff, but it wasn't as captivating as the start and finish. I haven't decided if this is a good or bad thing in terms of the book itself. All I know is I was left satisfied, even without the need for a cold shower.
(P.S. -- The top image is the "prissy cover" mentioned in the review above. I assume it was the original cover. The one below is the new cover. I guess they thought if there was a picture of a bodice, people will buy the book in the hopes that it will be ripped at some point.)
Friday, August 20, 2010
Chicks in flicks
We had a discussion at work today about women in film.
Ok, that just made it sound like a very cerebral conversation. It wasn't. I started it off by expressing my annoyance of the romantic comedy genre.
Basically, rom-coms are all the same. That's no breaking news. However, for some reason, a new generation of 20-something women (with the exception of Amanda Seyfried) doesn't exist in the genre because the same old -- yes, OLD --chicks are in these chick flicks.
Now, I know that these women aren't actually old in the grand scheme of life. But in the grand scheme of movies, they are. Sorry.
Examples: Jennifer Aniston is 41. Jennifer Lopez is 41. Jennifer Garner is 38. Reese Witherspoon is 34. Sandra Bullock is 46. Julia Roberts is 43. Sarah Jessica Parker is 45.
These are the same women who have been doing the rom-com thing for at least 10 years already (or 20 in Ms. Roberts' case.) Why are these women the ones we have to continue to watch find true love for the first time? Surely there are actresses of a more believable age for that kind of storyline.
Note: It seems like screenwriters are trying to use these actresses however they can by doing the whole I-want-a-baby-and-don't-need-a-man-but-now-that-I-have-a-baby-I-met-a-man thing. I suppose it would be a more mature woman who went through a thing like that. Oh, and there's the whole I-am-the-bitchy-boss-lady-that's-why-I'm-older thing. Whatever. It still feels like they're reaching.
Name a 20-something actress who has done a rom-com lately. Besides Amanda Seyfried.
Nope, I can't think of one either.
The rom-com actresses take turns being "America's Sweetheart." All I'm saying is, it's time for some younger, fresher faces in the category. When I think of "America's Sweetheart," I think of Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts... from the early '90s! That was 20 years ago!!
So, during this conversation a coworker pulled up a video blog post from some feminist web site about the role of women in movies. It said to pay attention to these 3 things about the movie and the female(s) in it:
1. Is there more than one female character who has a name?
2. Do they talk to each other?
3. Do they talk to each other about something besides men?
Think of all the movies you have ever seen. The result is shocking. It's very hard to think of a movie where the above three questions are all answered in the affirmative. The first one that leaped to mind was the "Sex and the City" movie, which is truly unfortunate since that movie made me want to blow my brains out.
The answers for "SATC" are 1) Yes, there are four. 2) Yes and using only puns. Because THAT is how women talk to each other, you see. 3) Yes, but about clothes and babies and relationships in general. Because THAT is all that women talk to each other about, you see.
So the problem is twofold. The rom-com genre needs some storylines that are new and fresh (like "500 Days of Summer," which was excellent) and some new and fresh faces to play the female leads.
Perhaps I'll write them myself.
Ok, that just made it sound like a very cerebral conversation. It wasn't. I started it off by expressing my annoyance of the romantic comedy genre.
Basically, rom-coms are all the same. That's no breaking news. However, for some reason, a new generation of 20-something women (with the exception of Amanda Seyfried) doesn't exist in the genre because the same old -- yes, OLD --chicks are in these chick flicks.
Now, I know that these women aren't actually old in the grand scheme of life. But in the grand scheme of movies, they are. Sorry.
Examples: Jennifer Aniston is 41. Jennifer Lopez is 41. Jennifer Garner is 38. Reese Witherspoon is 34. Sandra Bullock is 46. Julia Roberts is 43. Sarah Jessica Parker is 45.
These are the same women who have been doing the rom-com thing for at least 10 years already (or 20 in Ms. Roberts' case.) Why are these women the ones we have to continue to watch find true love for the first time? Surely there are actresses of a more believable age for that kind of storyline.
Note: It seems like screenwriters are trying to use these actresses however they can by doing the whole I-want-a-baby-and-don't-need-a-man-but-now-that-I-have-a-baby-I-met-a-man thing. I suppose it would be a more mature woman who went through a thing like that. Oh, and there's the whole I-am-the-bitchy-boss-lady-that's-why-I'm-older thing. Whatever. It still feels like they're reaching.
Name a 20-something actress who has done a rom-com lately. Besides Amanda Seyfried.
Nope, I can't think of one either.
The rom-com actresses take turns being "America's Sweetheart." All I'm saying is, it's time for some younger, fresher faces in the category. When I think of "America's Sweetheart," I think of Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts... from the early '90s! That was 20 years ago!!
So, during this conversation a coworker pulled up a video blog post from some feminist web site about the role of women in movies. It said to pay attention to these 3 things about the movie and the female(s) in it:
1. Is there more than one female character who has a name?
2. Do they talk to each other?
3. Do they talk to each other about something besides men?
Think of all the movies you have ever seen. The result is shocking. It's very hard to think of a movie where the above three questions are all answered in the affirmative. The first one that leaped to mind was the "Sex and the City" movie, which is truly unfortunate since that movie made me want to blow my brains out.
The answers for "SATC" are 1) Yes, there are four. 2) Yes and using only puns. Because THAT is how women talk to each other, you see. 3) Yes, but about clothes and babies and relationships in general. Because THAT is all that women talk to each other about, you see.
So the problem is twofold. The rom-com genre needs some storylines that are new and fresh (like "500 Days of Summer," which was excellent) and some new and fresh faces to play the female leads.
Perhaps I'll write them myself.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Powerless
The power at the apartment complex went out for about an hour tonight. Whenever this happens (which, thankfully, is not often) I imagine what it would have been like to live back in the old days when there was no electricity at all. Here is what I've decided:
1. It would have been effing miserable without AC. This might not have been such a big deal in the north, but in Texas in August no AC - even for an hour - is a BITCH.
2. Reading by candlelight is a strain on the eyes and not at all romantic.
3. You can hear EVERYTHING. I swear I heard the woman two floors above me sneeze. This has the potential to be very embarrassing.
4. Using the restroom in the dark is not fun. Not that I'm afraid I'm doing it wrong. It's just... weird.
5. I'm sure if I'd been born back then, I would have been just fine. Especially not knowing any difference from the way things are now. But since I do know the way things are now, I am very grateful to have been born when I was.
1. It would have been effing miserable without AC. This might not have been such a big deal in the north, but in Texas in August no AC - even for an hour - is a BITCH.
2. Reading by candlelight is a strain on the eyes and not at all romantic.
3. You can hear EVERYTHING. I swear I heard the woman two floors above me sneeze. This has the potential to be very embarrassing.
4. Using the restroom in the dark is not fun. Not that I'm afraid I'm doing it wrong. It's just... weird.
5. I'm sure if I'd been born back then, I would have been just fine. Especially not knowing any difference from the way things are now. But since I do know the way things are now, I am very grateful to have been born when I was.
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