Bus People

It's Daylight Savings, which means it stays lighter later and that means I ride the bus to work. It's awesome. I'm saving money on gas and downtown parking, I'm doing something good for the environment and I'm helping my car last just a little bit longer. I haven't ridden in a few months, though, so there was one thing I forgot about: Bus People.

Bus People are generally of the If-I-Look-Busy/Asleep/Anywhere but directly in the eyes-They'll-Leave-Me-Alone variety. There are a few, however, who break the mold.

Angry Man
Angry Man is short, balding and wearing a cheap suit, the jacket of which he's carrying with his bag and therefore revealing his horrible pit stains. He's angry because he's unhappy, but he seems angry because the bus didn't come exactly on time, or it's crowded, or the driver didn't respond to his sarcastic comment about the bus not coming on time. He makes exasperated noises during the ride and checks his watch or phone for the time whenever the bus pauses in traffic. This man needs an MP3 player or a book or a swift kick to the nuts. Remarkably, he's wearing a wedding ring.

The Bird Lady
The Bird Lady is the lady playing Angry Birds on her phone. She says "shit" whenever things are going wrong in her game, and loudly enough that people turn and look at her. She gives those people dirty looks, so if you do it, you have to play it off like you're looking out her window to the scenery beyond. This may or may not work. When she's given up on the game, she reaches into her bag and pulls out the National Geographic Guide to North American Birds. Yes, that book exists. And, yes, someone paid money for it. Amazingly, she's also wearing a wedding ring.

Angry Lady
Angry Lady puts her things in the seat next to her in the hopes that she'll not have to share space with anyone. She makes a face when that seat is the only one left and someone asks her if they can sit there. These people are only asking to be polite, as this bitch doesn't own the bus and therefore has no claim to any seat other than the one in which her ass is firmly planted. At the first sign of other seats opening up, she asks you to move over. You nestle further in exactly where you are. She'll hate that. You could also try to snooze a little and hope that you snore or drool or do that sleepy head bob thing in her direction just to piss her off a little more. Then you beat her to the door when you get to the end of the line.

Funny Guy
Funny Guy is not funny to most passengers because he will talk to his neighbors and break the silent status quo. Also, he's just not funny. But, it is amusing to see how the unamused react to him. His topics range from the environment ("If more people rode this bus it would be 40 cars off the road per ride"), to sex education ("If you don't use it, it'll shrivel up"), to film ("Did you see that movie with George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones? It came out like eight years ago. You have to see it, it's so good!"), to not understanding the newfangled acronyms that kids these days use for everything ("What is FML? Oh, I thought that F might have been something dirty.") He sits in the back so his voice carries to the front. People turn and look at him in the hopes that their look will be the one to make him lower his voice. He will then make a comment about how nobody talks person to person anymore, which will earn him more looks.

Wal-Mart Guy
I ride the Express bus from the Wal-Mart on the North East side of town to downtown, which is a direct 13-mile ride on the highway. It's a commuter's route, and 90% of the people who use it work downtown. 9% are tourists who are headed downtown to sight see for the day. The other 1% is Wal-Mart Guy. He lives in some ghetto downtown place and rides the bus solely to shop at Wal-Mart. Everyone else is in business attire; this guy is in a sweaty, holey t-shirt. Yet, somehow, he's got a really nice phone, in which he plugs his earbuds and blasts rap or hard rock music so loudly that everyone can hear it clearly. The best rides are when he ends up next to Angry Lady.

And those people were just in the past 3 days. :)

I'm sorry!

But I've been writing! This is a good thing!

P.S. - I let Dianna read the first two chapters and she said, and I quote, "You're sitting on a gold mine."

:)

Guess what?

I've been writing. :) That is all.